I recently shared a post about the need for church people to consider apologizing to their former pastors. This was met with a reminder that pastors sometimes need to apologize as well. And I agree with that. Pastors, like church people, are human beings. And every single human being, except 1, is sinful and in need of repentance and forgiveness.
And so, on this Reformation Day and at the end of Pastor Appreciation Month, I thought I would try to tackle this topic. The Christian life is not appreciation without accountability, nor is it accountability without grace. It is repentance and forgiveness.
Of course pastors need to apologize. Pastors are human beings who sin. We misjudge situation. We speak too quickly. We fail to listen. We can be filled with pride. We make mistakes.
In almost 20 years of working in churches and with church people, I have apologized countless times. I have apologized to church members, fellow pastors, staff members, friends, and family. And any pastor who takes himself seriously has done the same.
A pastor who never apologizes is dangerous. Even more dangerous is a pastors who thinks he has never done wrong.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…
But as I consider the comments that the original post received and the comments my sharing of the post received, I do not think the issue is whether pastors should apologize. The deeper issue is about how we handle when a call to repentance is immediately redirected toward someone else’s repentance.
We have all probably done this.When confronted with a need for self-examination, our instinct tends to be, “Well, what about them?”
– What about my boss?
– What about my spouse?
– What about my parents?
– What about my pastor?
Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.”
Repentance dies whenever “What about me?” becomes “What about them?”
Now, this is a strange hypocrisy that we all share. This is not a pastor versus church people issue. It is a sinful human nature issue. We do not like being challenged. We defend ourselves, explain ourselves, and try to justify ourselves. We instinctively point elsewhere to get the focus off of us. Nobody wants to hear that they may have contributed to a broken relationship. Nobody wants to hears that they may owe someone an apology.
Everybody does this. Pastors. Church people. Former members. Former pastors. Spouses. Children. Everyone.
The reason: We are often much better at identifying who owes us an apology than at identifying who may deserve an apology from us.
A pastor bears a unique burden. I have been in the vocation of pastor for over a decade, worked in churches in other roles for more than a decade before that, and even my first summer job when I was a teenager was working for a church. And I can say, I have not always enjoyed this burden. Pastors are called to shepherd their people, which sometimes means correcting church members, while also being sinful human beings in need of correction.
Through that more than 20 years, I have seen seen and experienced the good and bad of working in a church. I have had people leave churches. I have had friendships end unexpectedly. I have faced warranted and unwarranted criticisms. I have had false assumptions made against me. And I have been attacked for holding people accountable for their own actions.
Not every departing member was wrong. Not every pastor is right. But pastors carry wounds too.
Most people know exactly why they leave a church. Pastors often never know. People get to say all sorts of things about the congregation and the pastor. Pastors often choose silence. Not because they are hiding something, but because shepherds carry responsibilities that church members do not.
Psalm 139:23-24
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my concerns.
See if there is any offensive way in me;
lead me in the everlasting way.”
Whenever we encounter a challenging message, we can respond in one of two ways: “That offended me!” or “Why did that offend me?” The first response ends conversations. The second one invites self-examination.
Now, to be clear, not every uncomfortable feeling is guilt. Sometimes people truly are mistreated. Sometimes criticism is unfair. But sometimes, discomfort is the Holy Spirit pressing on something we would rather avoid.
Not every sting is conviction.
But not every sting is persecution either.
Martin Luther’s First Thesis: When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent,” He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.
Luther did not call just pastors to repentance. Or just church people. Or former church people. Or church leaders. He called all believers to repentance. The Reformation in 1517 began with repentance because the entirety of the Christian life is repentance. The church is at its healthiest when repentance is the default. Be honest: the person who is most in need of repentance is the person you see in the mirror.
Instead of asking:
– Who owes me an apology?
– Who hurt me?
– Who wronged me?
– Who needs to repent?
Ask:
– Have I wronged anyone?
– Have I contributed to a broken relationship?
– Is there someone I need to call?
– Is there someone I need to forgive?
– Is there someone who deserves an apology from me?
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.
And then live as one who has been justified by Jesus Christ, standing firm in the forgiveness He has won for you, and then live the new life you have received in Jesus Christ.
As Pastor Appreciation Month comes to a close this Reformation Day, I have no problem saying that pastors should apologize when they sin. We should. And we must. The Gospel demands nothing less.
But the Gospel demands something from every Christian.
Repentance is not a burden we place on other people. It is a daily calling placed on each of us.
The question is not whether pastors need to repent. The question is whether we are willing to do the same.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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